Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
