so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
