So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
