I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
