DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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