you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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