umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
