So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
