she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
