well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
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