Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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