Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you didnt know i had herpes?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I party with great urgency now.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
