I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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