I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
