Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
