People with herpes should wear stickers.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
