i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
