i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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