So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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