her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
