Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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