omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
