You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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