i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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