i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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