YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
