i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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