Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
