I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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