Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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