Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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