It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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