dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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