Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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