by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
