That's intense
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
