everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
