Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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