THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
