areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I am never drinking with the goths again.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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