i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
