my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
