I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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