Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
