I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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