you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
