Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
