you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
