i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
