please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
