you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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