I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
