she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
