I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
