I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
