Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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