I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
