I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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