A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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