I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just high enough for therapy.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
