Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
