and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
